A silver lining in the trials of motherhood 

(please read on if you have a preteen or teenage daughter):

For Sloane’s 13th birthday, part of her gift was a 4/3 wetsuit and a trip for just her and me to Montauk at the The End of Long Island.  We surfed every day, saw seals so up close when we were on the inside that we could see their whiskers. We had good meals and watched The Office in our comfy bed and made fun of the weird boob sculpture at the lovely Hero Beach Club. She made fun of my cool red beanie and called me Waldo (as in Where Is?).  We went on hikes and went shopping and went on runs where she ran circles around me and briefly became addicted to playing online checkers with each other. 

The best was when she realized that it’s stupid to hold onto anything negative with the ones you love, because life is too short and is much more fun when you’re at peace with those people. That part was my favorite. Also the ton of “I love you’s” we said.

Here are some things I learned from our trip:

1. Sloane is really funny. I already knew this but she is more goofy and sarcastic and self-deprecating than I realized.

2. She works out for HOURS every day. At first I was like yeah I’ll do these online ab and leg videos with you and after a few I threw up my hands and opened a cider. She kept leg lifting away. Inspiring.  

3. She also writes for hours a day. She wakes up writing and goes to bed writing. And what she writes is actually really good. If I shared any of it with you she would have to murder me so you must take my word for it.  

4. My core is super weak but I paddled out every day despite having what ended up being a kidney infection, which I was largely ignoring. Lesson is I’m super tough and very super stupid.  Looking back on the photos and feeling old and tired looking I was happy to know it was more because I was mildly septic.  

5.  Hero Beach Club is a cute hip place to stay, with great balcony views of the backyard firepit area (with its various unique sculptural renditions of special parts of anatomy) and a very short walk to the downtown area of Montauk.  Other favourites were the restaurants The Gig Shack which oozes a coolness I will never be on level with and the gorgeously decorated but wildly expensive Sel Rose.  Of course one of the best highlights was the lighthouse at the very tippy-tip-tip of Long Island and the rocky beaches and cliffs around that area.  You are welcome for not posting a strategic photo of one of us pretending to hold up the lighthouse with our hands.  The surfing at Ditch Plains was amazing except for the harrowing slippery rocks you have to traverse to get out to the water and the fact that my face felt so cold it might just fall off my head and float away with the seals.           

At Sel Rose       Balcony view from our room

6. Waldo wears a white hat with red trim. NOT a completely red hat like mine. Yeah, Sloane, I googled that. Also, I have photographic evidence of you wearing it too, so I guess your name is Waldo as well.  

Sloane at The Gig Shack in THAT hat

7. I am not as good of a singer as I thought and my harmonies are pretty atrocious. Regardless, I will continue to sing in my car no matter who videos me.

Who wants to hear me sing Ed Sheeran? The answer is no one.

8. I realized after several post-surfing selfies, we were channeling Point Break Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves.  While there was no bank robbing or shootings, I feel that our mutual respect and admiration yet fundamental conflict as mom and daughter beautifully mirror the movie’s protagonist/antagonist characters.  

Do you see the resemblance??

9. A trip with your teen daughter is a good idea and it’s a memory of a space in time that we will keep forever. Will it fix everything? Nope. Did she tell me to have a “fucking fantastic day” and slam the car door two days later when she was late to school and couldn’t find a mask or shoes which was obviously my fault? Yes, yes, she did. But, when I saw her later that day, I smiled and told her the better phrase is “fan-fucking-tastic” and to get it right next time. She looked surprised, smiled and then laughed.